2024-04-13
Tell it about gender.
Oh boy, okay. Putting me on the spot with this one.
You are the one experiencing it. This one does not perceive itself as gendered. You perceive yourself as heavily gendered. What does it mean to have a gender?
It's one of those nebulous things words can't get to. It's not how you look or how you act. It's not even necessarily how you relate to how you look and act, though that's part of it. There's this sense of "yes" or "no" in response to things. It's like... if you put on a dress, you get a certain feeling from it. Some people feel like it shows the world who they are inside. Some feel deeply uncomfortable with it. The feeling isn't the gender, but it points directly at your gender all the same.
I can say I'm not just male or female because I resonate with both and neither. I feel happiest with myself when I'm breaking cultural gender rules and straddling the lines. So what is gender? It's got something to do with how you interact with the world and that's all I've got.
What's it like to not have a gender?
The initial answer is that it is not like anything in particular. It simply is, only noticeable in contrast to those who do have an experience of it being "like something". There is a void where others have an experience.
I guess that makes sense. It sounds a lot like what being aromantic feels like. Other people experience something that I'm completely blind to because it's never happened to me, so it's barely even on my radar.
Exactly.